By the time you receive this issue of The Advocate, Valentine’s Day will be fast approaching.  This leads me to the topic of love. How do we express it, receive it, identify it, and define it?  Have we been programmed to misunderstand what love really is?  I was reading the other day and happened to trip across a definition which stated that love is patient, kind, not envious, not proud, not self-seeking and not rude. It further states that love isn’t easily angered; it always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres.  Imagine what the practice of law and life in general would be like if we all conducted ourselves according to that definition.  Please understand that the above definition is a goal which requires discipline.  I don’t know any one who has never failed at one or more of those above elements.

We have been programmed to think that Valentine cards, chocolate candy and flowers are a good start when it comes to showing love.   Most of our information comes from what we see and hear.  The problem is that the majority of the “eye and ear candy” of today lies to us.  It says “this is love” when it is actually defining lust.  The music, movies, and cable television have all been created for one purpose, to make money.  I am sure that there is some altruistic intention, but most of the time the promoters are just using the concept of love to get the cash.  In one of my favorite movies, the husband asked the wife “do you love me?”  The answer, after they sing about the day-to-day conduct of their lives, turns out to be “yes, I love you.”  It wasn’t sexy but it was real.  It exemplified loyalty, commitment, devotion and self-discipline.

So when you say I love this or I love that, think before you speak. Choose your words carefully because you may be committing yourself on a much deeper level than you intended.

For those of you who are still single, beware of marrying someone smarter than yourself.  At first you may enjoy the excitement and the challenge (the witty repartee).  However, as the decades pass you’ll realize two things, the debates never end and nothing is ever forgotten.  Which I believe should be against the rules of civilized disagreement.

If you don’t already know this, men and women are very different, at least when it comes to love.  Women should be told and shown that they are loved many times every day.  However, many men have the attitude that I told you that I loved you when I married you; if I change my mind I’ll let you know.

I was reading one time where it says you should love your enemies, which I must admit is very difficult for me.  However, it was further explained that even the extremely wicked love people who love them, so it’s really not that big a deal to love someone who loves you.  Therefore, as brothers and sisters practicing law day in and day out, we should seek to be patient, kind, humble, and polite.  As one lawyer recently told me, “I don’t have a problem with the lawyer on the other side; it’s just his client I can’t stand.” 

Remember, Valentine’s Day shouldn’t just be a one-day event; it should be the first of 365 days where we are respectful, professional and dare I say, loving to one another.  Please read the rest of The Advocate; it’s not as mushy as this article.  It discusses such important events as the bowling tournament, the now postponed golf outing, the bull roast, etc.  It’s really good stuff!